Productive is relative so just act

Funny story. Read some articles that our carrier was cracking down on “high use (aka over 200 gigs)” grandfathered in unlimited accounts and forcing them to new plans. 100 gigs of data was like $300! We would have to buy 5 of those plans at least to cover our typical usage. When a friend of ours who works at the competitor confirmed it, I may have slightly panicked. No way could we do even 1/5 of the data we use! Less than three weeks into the month and I was already at 180 gigs. So I turned off the phone data last week. Like completely for a few days. And big dreams ran through my head. I wouldn’t have any distractions. I would get up earlier. I could focus more. Be more productive.

Big dreams fall hard.

I got up at 5am instead of 6. And hit my crash point way earlier in the day. Not an hour earlier like would be expected but hours earlier. Wha?! No joke, by breakfast, I craved a nap. Then was exhausted as soon as the sun went down. And productive is relative. Because guess what? All those online things that I do throughout the day and week, well, didn’t get done. Wow does that list grow quickly!

Major backfire.

To add insult to injury – Sunday night they announced they were bringing back unlimited data plans. You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me.

YIPPEE!!

It was nice for the break, I admit to have fallen into the political discussion traps on Facebook way to much the last few months. All to often it turns ugly, I would quickly bow out yet found myself getting more upset with people in general. Losing my rose colored glasses of hope. That’s unacceptable in my mind. Hope for common ground and unity isn’t a part of me I want jaded. Thankfully it didn’t take but a few days for me to regain that hope. Ever the eternal optimist.

Oh and we fell so behind on our Gilmore Girl Binge. I did get some decent plans for that time management thing I am so horrible at. Lets see how well I can keep up with it considering spring is almost here which means time to get crackin on the house and ‘stead. Sqwee!!

I have been working with a Life Coach the last month or so. Mostly it seems to help me define what goals I want to hit during the week and holds me accountable. It’s one thing to think about what you would like to do. When you tell someone else who you know is going to ask about it through the week, it’s a whole nother ballgame. Add in a few other people and suddenly you figure out how to get it done so that you’re not the slacker with a crappy excuse to why it wasn’t accomplished. #motivation Hate to say but I will anyway, last week seemed to not be a productive week for many. Whew!

Isn’t it strange how there are things we want to do, know we should do, have the desire and intention… and yet, don’t. We can always come up with good “reasons” why we don’t. Yet, when we are completely honest with ourselves, they are often excuses. Of course we are tired, we are always ‘on’, always have a list of things to do that overwhelms to the point of non-action. Children add a dimension that catapults us into the Twilight Zone. It’s shoes. You’ve put them on 5000 times. Why is it taking you 15 minutes even after the countdown I gave for the last 30 minutes? No we are not discussing your birthday dinner for 3 months from now. Focus. Shoes. Ok, children are valid reasons. We can’t control other people and just have to make things work based on their responses. But we can manage us. That’s both liberating and terrifying.

A few weeks ago I came across a YouTube video by Father Mike from Ascension Press titled “Overwhelmed”.

Yall I need to frame this. Like everywhere. Isn’t that it at the most basic level? Similar to Nike’s “Just do it” but less cliche and sport related (and less Shia like, come on, I can not be the only one who would love to never hear that again). So we had an off week. Which could totally be like a cheat day… err week. It had its positives, served its purpose (we totally would have kept our grandfathered plan!) and it’s ok. Now to redirect our focus, knock a few things out before life gets even more busy and I get the all clear to get back to walking normal (read: add in exercise to everything else). Just act. Next thing. 15 minutes. Little rewards along the way. Got this!

A day late… again lol

Yesterday was an exciting day. It was also a lot to process.

It should be a recap, and will be soon when I catch this up 😜 In October, I had an old injury on my foot cleaned up that had grown into scar tissue and a cyst. It was always a “one day I will” until Jenn and I made a deal that we would take turns, both get fixed up and take care of each other and our 47 combined children. πŸ˜‚

She held up her end of the bargain, healed by Jesus. Even if that wasn’t at all how any of us expected it. It was my turn.

What should have been an easy “no walking for 2 weeks” then “a few weeks of taking it easy” turned into 3 Dr’s shaking their heads because it just wasn’t healing. Being on the pad below the pinky toe, it is (they said) the hardest spot on the body to heal. The feet are hard, lacking blood flow. The bottoms take such pressure from the weight of the body on those little bones and little padding. But the body needs to feel the pressure so it knows how much padding to rebuild. Out of the 10 factors that contribute to non-healing wounds, I had one. One. Most, they said, have 6-8. I had 1.

Finally, after 17 weeks, 7 weeks going to the wound center 1-2 times a week, it is finally closed. Healed. Not 100% but will be.

What changed? My perspective. Only having God to lean on for healing. I broke 7 weeks ago. And broke further 3 weeks ago. Once again what *I* was doing wasn’t enough, nor was it where my focus should have been. I did everything the Dr’s said to do. Walk some, I did. Stay off, I did. Walk as much as you can tolerate, I did. Change this bandage 3 times a day, shove this cloth drenched in buffered bleach solution in it, I did. Well Mr did, I couldn’t see it.😜 The first 48 hours the cast was on saw a huge reduction, some measurements were half! Great! I can do another week in a cast! I got this!

I wish I learned things the easy way. But I don’t. God has to break me to rebuild an improved me. I had to blindly trust. The Dr’s, that nothing bad was happening beneath the cast that enclosed an open wound, God and His power, myself. All of which has been greatly shaken the last few years. There was no way to check and measure except once a week when they cut the cast off to have a look. I literally could only go on how it was feeling. Nothing measurable, nothing concrete. Feelings, in all its subjective glory.

There were days I panicked, weeks when anxiety was my ever-present companion. But there were days, and then weeks, of unexplainable peace. And a whole lot of time to reflect and fight to figure out how to “be still and know that He is God”. Wish I could say I mastered it. I have only just begun to crawl.

I hit the bottom. A week of no progress followed by a week of regression did it. I just couldn’t anymore. My healing wasn’t up to me. Or the Dr’s. It was up to God. Someone offered to lay hands and pray. Sure, what could it hurt? Prayers always good. Yall! 2 days later – shock! Half healed! Impressive God. But that doesn’t mean You’re going to finish it in the time I think it should. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that. πŸ˜‚

The next weekend someone else asked. Sure, why not. The next day – even more shock! Not because it happened but because I think I knew but as afraid to hope. It was fully closed! Healed so much they didn’t feel the “just in case do an extra week in a cast” that is normal was necessary. And they expect a full healing!

There is so much to process from this experience. I have grown, I have been broadened. And all the Glory goes to Him, the ultimate healer. The muscles strength, the ability to stretch and soreness from the rediscovered pressure of walking are only secondary issues and will subside. Hopefully next week I will hear those beautiful words “You are healed, go in peace” or “go get a pedicure”. Either works. 😜 πŸ’–πŸ’–

Throwback Thursdays June 2015

I co-lead my first Bible Study in Spring 2015. God has this amazing thing of putting me in situations and giving me full clarity of what is being said and my mouth speaks before my brain has time to think. That’s how this happened. “Hey, want to co-lead” Sure! :reality sets in… wait, what?! Do you know what you just agreed to. You can’t possibly… but you can’t possibly back out you just agreed! And now she’s talking about plans and you’re not even paying attention because you’re stuck in the argument in your head:. Yup, exactly how it happened. πŸ˜‚

It was intimidating, no lie. Especially given the material! Can it get more complicated than Revelation?! Took a few lessons to find a groove. I talk fast when nervous and want to share everything I’ve learned. A dangerous combo! My co-lead was awesome at helping/teaching me how to lead. Keeping a dozen women on track is an art. πŸ˜‚ And truthfully, after leading through the hardest book of the Bible, when I went solo on the next one, it was a breeze. I’ve since lead on the Minor Prophets, a short study from the TimeWarpWife.com and How to Study the Bible (with all your heart and mind). This semester, back by popular demand, is Revelation. Thankfully I still have all my notes. πŸ˜† I have to say I love it. Public speaking, learning, digging deep into the text, teaching. All of it has been so much fun!

Bou turned 17. 17!

And bam! Challenge done! With 10 minutes in the day to spare 😜 stay safe πŸ˜™

Today Tuesday on Wednesday

Yeah yeah, I know. A day late.πŸ™„ and it needs a better title. πŸ˜ƒ I intended on writing last night and maybe got a little sidetracked updating and rearranging the site. And trying to figure out a decent Instagram feed. Who knew there were so many options?! Still not entirely sure about this one. To make you feel better about yourself, I will tell you I furthered the epic fail, we didn’t even have tacos. 😲 I know, I’m ashamed. Actually I’m not. We had those Monday. Cause I’m a rebel like that. 😎

So you know I couldn’t start writing again without a plan. Cause that’s also how I roll. Tuesday’s I will update a bit on what is going on currently around these parts. Thursdays will be what they are, Throwback Thursdays of course. Cause I have 6,000 pictures on my phone from the last 2 years that I never dumped.😨 So not even kidding. Don’t worry, I’ll spare you the 23 selfies it took to get the “right” one from random children and just post that good one to go along with the highlights of the month. You’re welcome.πŸ˜‰ But you should have known I can’t just let those photos not go here since this is also my family journal. Be ready for some collage heavy posts on those days.

So now that is out of the way. We pretty much took a year off working on the house and homestead. The break has been very refreshing. Life got insane, I got into a crazy up and down funk, I realized I was making the house to much of a priority just to avoid other things. It’s great to have a project, its great to plan and execute. It’s not great to become crazy about it and go against the heart and purpose of the adventure to begin with.😞 I felt like I needed to show progress, for myself, other people, the blog. When truth be told, there are lots of people who start reno’s and take a while to finish. We got to the “looks like a reno” stage and took a much needed and well deserved break, letting go of the guilt and pressure while we dealt with other more important things. This has truly become “the house that built me”. πŸ’–

In other exciting news – Bou is engaged!πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’– Him driving, graduating, turning 18 and getting engaged in a 4 month span may have contributed a little to my cray this year. She is just precious as is her family. They have truly set the bar high for the rest of the children’s future spouses. Pray for the ones that follow. 😜 I am so beyond happy and excited for their future. Even if I am completely unsure of how an attachment parenting mama transitions to being, well, not. Where’s that book Dr Sears, huh?! I could really use the “Commonsense Guide to Understanding and Nurturing your adult child that you’ve spent 18 years teaching to be independent and now they really are and doing a pretty good job at it and it’s time to let go”. That’s probably too long of a title though huh? I’ll work on it. We had 2 crazy months of full on wedding planning discussions and as soon as school is over, I’m sure it will be full force since it’s mostly a DIY wedding. Ok, I may be super giddy about all the possibilities and may be searching Pinterest for ideas. 😍

I’ll update on the rest of the family, the house and all my health updates on future posts so this post isn’t 10,000 words but everyone is good and healthy and I am mostly all better. Praise God! 😍😍 and I only read this over twice. Score! Challenge met! πŸ˜†

A challenge accepted

Done is better than Perfect pillows

I’ve started a dozen posts. And hundreds more in my head. It’s been a crazy year. Things that I will likely talk about as the days go on. Things I wish I would have recorded as they happened. Things I’m glad I wasn’t preoccupied with writing blog posts about and was able to just be and enjoy. Hindsight is a kicker sometimes isn’t it. πŸ˜‰

I’ve been challenged to change it though. Get back to my love of thoughts on paper. Err, screen. With deadlines and accountability and everything. I’ve also been challenged to do it without a lot of editing to my perfectionist standards.😲 Quite the challenge eh? But if I’ve learned anything over the last year, it’s that done is better than perfect. Because perfect means it won’t get done. Crazy concept huh? And one I have not even come close to mastering. πŸ™„

So here goes. Challenge Post #1 in 2017. :cue Eminem “Guess Who’s Back”: I’ll update the site at some point. And somehow integrate Instagram because I am rocking at keeping that up! Hello fab pic and a short manageable thought process.

I know I’ve neglected yall, I’m sorry. Forgive me? Let’s get back at this journey together 😘

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