I will admit it. I’ve been the holdout, the strong hold against grid power. I don’t like relying on something so temperamental to outages, with no choice but to accept whatever rate increases and fees they want, when they want. I just don’t.
But we can’t continue like this.
And I am only slightly upset.
Maybe if things had gone differently from the beginning I would still be strong, still willing to sacrifice for a larger, long term picture. But alas, it has not. Things have been hard. Really, really hard at times.
I am ready for some ease. Some normalness.
We all need it mentally and our budget needs it. Now that it’s summer again, we are spending a nice car payment just to live – between gas for the generator, gas to get groceries daily and ice to keep the food cool. Just by connecting to the grid we would save hundreds a month! This was much, much easier and cheaper during the other 3 seasons. And being our second summer, I’m just not as gungho.
I realized I was at that point – the ‘not down for the cause as much, a sell out if you must’ point – when I called the bank for a loan. After all we have been through, after all the penny pinching to get out of debt, here I am asking for debt. And I was totally cool with it.
When they turned us down for not enough job history, I panicked. Desperation set in. I called a family member and asked for a loan – shorter term length and higher interest than the bank was offering = much higher payments.
That’s desperate yall. And also revealing.
Mostly already knowing the answer, I asked God to be with me, to give me hope and an answer if/when they said no, a peace that we would be ok. There is a better way.
They said no. And I was bummed. For about 10 minutes.
And then I said thank you God. For providing mentally and physically. No, we will not get it the easy way. Not much of this has come the easy way.
But their ‘no’, through God’s Grace, gave me renewed determination. We will get grid power, somehow. I am looking forward to it much more that I though. Yall – air conditioning! Even if it is just a portable unit. A refrigerator! The ability to cook and stay cool at the same time!
We will sell as much as we can to raise the funds. For electricity instead of insulation. We are pouring out our oil once again, standing on the promise that the Lord provides for the need.
And we will do it without taking on another monthly debt payment. We will be able to put all those funds towards the house. God willing.