Day 31 – A vivid memory
Really?! I mean really?! Last day of the challenge and I totally drop the ball. Not that I didn’t think about it, but with watching the tornado’s in Central OK again and searching the differing opinions on what we should expect, well, I killed the battery on my phone. And was frankly to lazy to go to the truck for the laptop.
Stuff happens. And I for one, am pretty excited that not only did I do the challenge, but also that it’s over. It was kinda hard at times – scratching out a semi-coherent post at 11pm or during a 10 minute quiet time. It was also kinda fun – a lot of “get to know you” kind of topics that I normally would not have blogged about. I would do it again… I think. After I recover from this blogging streak.
yesterday’s today’s final topic!
I have so many I’m not sure which to choose! The birth of our children, proposal and weddings would be obvious ones. The first time
I we discussed downsizing (to an RV) and the crazy look Mr. gave me. And not like the “oh, that’s different” look but of the “are you out of your friggin mind woman?!” variety.
Being that we spent the last couple of days downsizing more, my evolution has been very vivid. Back to my teen bedroom, there was no clear wall space, just shelves in between doors and windows. Posters went on the ceiling and directly over my head was a canvas to color on. Awards and ribbons from elementary school, various stuffed animals and trinkets filled the shelves. Books that were not read in ages on the bookshelves.
The problem was, it wasn’t all stuff that meant something, it was mostly just stuff that had always been there and so it stayed – packed, moved and unpacked into basically the same placement. This carried on when Mr. and I got our first apartment. Only I had more space to spread it out in and his stuff (which was much less than what I had). By our second apartment, I had begun figuring out that less stuff was easier to keep tidy. By the time we bought our first house I had it mostly figured out. If we didn’t love the item, if it didn’t serve a purpose or have good memories attached, we didn’t need it.
But here is where is got hard. I couldn’t get rid of it, I just boxed it up and put it in the attic. I felt so much guilt for purchasing things we no longer found useful. I felt guilt, like I was being ungrateful, for not wanting or needing the things we had been given.
One day it hit me – hard – was I really being grateful by keeping it in a box in the attic? Or was I just being selfish? I could bless others with what we didn’t need or want. They could get use out of it, they could find pleasure and happiness with it. But here I was, holding on to it so I didn’t feel ungrateful!
I have never felt such release!
Those next few weeks were so freeing. I wish I could adequately express the letting go of not just old things but old feelings. It literally felt like a weight was lifted as I weeded through, ridding of a lot of stuff and emotions that had held me back. Simply amazing.