Birthday Musings

I have been struck the last few days, pondering just how far we have come in a year.

My post from one year ago was straight from The Lord and brings back such a flood of memories.  It was pivotal to where I am now.  I broke that day.  I mean crashing to my knees kind of broke.  It wasn’t a life shattering event (we’ve had those too), it was just a culmination of circumstances that simply became to much for me. 

We were into our Texas Adventure for a couple of months.  Things were not what we were told they would be.  I was so deeply hurt emotionally and mentally by people that weren’t supposed to do that.  We were financially broke – broker then we had ever been – and had decided to change directions, totally shaking up our lives.  We switched roles.  For the first time since he was 15, Mr. was (purposefully) not going to have a job.  After being at home for 9 years, I was going to be the sole wage earner.  No pressure, right?

Four days before I had somehow managed to score not one, but two jobs! Things were looking up – we had a ray of hope!

It was my 31’st birthday.  We were going to use the little bit I had made from Job 1 during my training to purchase clothes for my 2nd job (the one that I would keep between the two) and go out to eat (a rare treat – even Taco Cabana was a splurge!).  On our way, the truck started sputtering, then died.  Start up… and die.  Over and over.  The truck broke down.  Again.  Sitting on the side of the road, all the children in the back…

I tried to keep it together.  I tried to stay optimistic.  You know that moment when after so much trial you have a glimmer of hope – then are thrown another big kink.  The tears and anger spilled out. What are we supposed to do now.  On and on my mind played through our circumstances and how little we could do to fix it.

After a few minutes of calming down, Mr. pointed up – do you see that billboard?  As big as could be, just behind where our truck finally died was a simple sign.  Think God.

I am one of those people that tell Him I need a neon sign – a big-huge- slap-me-in-the-face-cause-I-wont-see-it-otherwise sign.

Yup, that did it.

There comes a point in our circumstances that we are doing all we can do.  There is nothing more to give.  When we can do nothing more than Think God.  God will have to take over.  God will have to work through it.  God will have to fix it.

And He will!  He will make a way.  Pride pushed aside, we called the people we needed at that moment.  He made the way for us to get the truck towed and get it repaired.  The clothes were purchased, dinner was had and I was able to start my 2nd job.

That day, I learned to truly step back and just trust in Faith.  Faith of a mustard seed.  It was one of those transformations from knowing “Trust in the Lord” to knowing it “with all your heart”. 

Over and over throughout this year He has shown He will take care of us.  Usually not immediately, usually not in the way we expect or in the time frame we want.  Sometimes not even with the “yes” we think we so desperately need.  Even when He surprised us with another Blessing, I felt such peace.  He will not give a child and not provide for the child.  No need to fret and worry as I tend to do.  And provide He has! 

It has become the basis of this house adventure.  From the very beginning I have said I don’t know how it will happen.  I don’t know how we will do it.  But God has this.  He will make it work, somehow.  All for His Glory.           

I never saw any of this in our future a year ago but I am loving where He has us.  I cant even list everything He has pulled together.  Getting the land, this city girl surviving her first time camping – without much issue – for 9 weeks.  Our friends, Blue and Family, pulling together an amazing work day, that also happened to have 2 long time builders who knew what was needed.  Family allowing us to stay with them off and on.  All the material that has been given and found – and always just what was needed, often with just enough to do the job.  The perfect people showing up at just the perfect moment.  On and on I could go.  To much has been too perfect to be mere coincidence.  I have learned to recognize, and be thankful, for those God fixes.

I don’t have it all together.  I have still wrestled with Him over the year, and will in the future I’m sure.  I’m just strong willed like that.  But now I understand having peace in the storm.  We can stress less and enjoy our simple little life with Him at the wheel.  And we will be just fine.

Here’s to another year!!

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